I've been handling myself very well over the past week. But I can't take it anymore. I have to put it all down on paper (well, technological paper) and just get it all off my chest.
Firstly, I think it's time to find a new doctor. My current doctor sucks. He is just like every other moron that thinks that I'm just "being dramatic" with this whole depression thing. He's cutting corners and leaving me on my own with all this. He brushed me off today and told me to go back on my old medication. You know. The stuff that STOPPED WORKING. Yeah. Simply because he doesn't want to put in the effort to actually help me.
Next topic. The next person that calls me out for "sexual harassment" at work can suck my toes. Someone that I've known for nearly 5 years asks me to scratch his back while I'm standing there talking to him and I get called out by someone in front of everyone for "inappropriate work behavior". Are you serious? Firstly, it's not sexual harassment if the other person "consents" or whatever stupid term you want to use. He asked me to. And I wasn't do it "sexually". I was scratching him like you would scratch a dog. Seriously? Grow up. This is obnoxious.
Now. To quote an unknown source. "The truth? I like you. A lot. You make me happy. You make me laugh. You're smart. You're different. You're a little crazy and awkward and your smile alone can make my day." Anyone that doesn't know who I'm talking about doesn't need to. And anyone that does. . . Yeah.
Really, I just want you to smile and be happy. It hurts me to see you upset like this. Especially when you won't talk to me. I mean, I tell you everything and have never betrayed you in any way. Why can't you trust me?
On the topic of where I'm living: Yes, I have temporarily moved in with Hamish's parents. They are amazing and I love them very much. Yes, I am looking for a new place to live. I can't stand the management at my apartment anymore and I need to get to a more stable environment.
On the topic of a certain best friend that I'm almost certain will never read this: I am sorry for my part in all this but I refuse to shoulder all the blame. So stop trying to put it all on me. You know that you were never invisible and that I was almost always putting your interests above my own. Don't insult me. I'm a good friend and I know that now. I was always trying to talk to you and make sure you were okay. You were always brushing me off and ignoring me. I constantly told you how fantastic you looked on whatever day. The first thing you said to me when I cut my hair was "what the hell did you do to your head?"
If you can't accept it, that's not my fault. But I'm not going to allow myself to be treated like crap.
I really hope that we can be friends again some day. But, as for right now, I can't. Because I don't deserve to be treated as an option by someone that I treat as priority.
I am strong and I am worth it.
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