This first part is going to be on a bit of a spiritual note. Something that I don't usually do but I feel like I really just need to put this out there.
I am a member of the LDS church. A church that I absolutely believe to be true. I might not be the perfect angel Mormon that I should be. Yes, I have a bit of a swearing problem. And I don't go to church NEARLY as often as I should. But I believe in it. There is no way I could ever deny that it is true. The amount of prayers I have answered. The amount of people that have changed my life that I would have never met if it weren't for the church. And then this week added one more thing to the list. The way the priesthood effects my life.
I add this to the list because, earlier this week when I was HIGHLY emotionally distressed and I felt like my world was caving in on me. I felt like I was trapped and I was just ready to give up, curl up in bed, and hide for the rest of my life. But, as a final gasp for air, I called out to my friends Hamish and Nicholas and I asked them if they would give me a blessing. So, at 3AM on Saturday morning, they came down to my apartment and gave me a blessing. They blessed me that I would be able to have a clear mind through all of this so that I could figure out what my best option was at this point in my life. They blessed me that I would be able to sleep. And they blessed me that I would be able to be happy. Well, I slept. A LOT. We're talking, coma status. And I was happy DESPITE forgetting to take my medication twice. And I was able to wake up with a completely clear head and a 100% understanding of what my next step should be.
"If the temple isn't his castle, then he's not your prince."
So, anyways. This is my testimony that the church is true and that it is amazing.
This second part is on a WAY lighter note.
I!
AM!
HAPPY!
Those who know me know that this is a BIG deal. I have severe depression. I am on medication for it. And sometimes that doesn't even work. And when I forget to take that medication, I get REALLY depressed. Well, I forgot today. And I was braced for tonight to ABSOLUTELY SUCK. But, guess what? It didn't! I had an awesome night! I went on a date with my friend Kyle. And then I watched Lord of the Rings with some of my absolutely amazing friends (Bryan, Taylor and Peterson, to be exact).
Now, on the topic of a couple boys. Boy #1, I cannot believe that, after everything, you were completely okay with crushing me the way you did today. Saying that I "hate relationships" because I just "want to be the girl that everybody wants" in order for me to "feel any goodness about myself". That I only "get a boyfriend so that I can have one person who will deal with my sh*t and still be there no matter what" and that, as soon as I really start caring for that person, I "drop them and run for the hills". AND that you can now see why all my friends leave me. And then you have the NERVE to end it with "have a great life" and that you hope that someday I'll be able to change before I "end up hurting another poor guy".
As if you hadn't hurt me enough?! No, sir. I hope YOU have a great life. P.S. Eternal middle finger in your direction.
Boy #2, THANK YOU! You are absolutely amazing. you have helped me SO much this week with everything. And I am glad that you are finally getting to be able to trust me again after I messed things up so badly. You are absolutely incredible and I hope that we can keep this going for a while. I know that you're scared but that's okay. I understand. And you can take as long as you need. I just want to say thank you for coming back. It means the world to me. And so do you.
Hopeful for a good, blissful week.
-R
:)
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