It's the last day of 2012 and I look back on my year. I look at everything that happened. Everything I've done. Am I proud? Not in the least. I graduated high school by my fingernails. I got an amazing boyfriend and, as it will happen, messed things up and lost him. I messed up my 1st semester of college bad enough that, now, my GPA is crap and I don't qualify for financial aid. So I can't afford to go to classes. Which I need to go to in order to get my GPA up. So that I can get financial aid. I also managed to hurt and, in turn, lose one of the greatest guys to ever enter my life. And, yes, he was dropped in my life. And, as he says, you have to show someone every single day how much they mean to you. And I didn't. I left him in the cold. I unappreciated everything he did for me. And now, when it all hits me like a semi-truck, he'd rather me fall off the edge of the earth than ever see me again.
Why is it that I can't get past these things like I've been able to get past everything else? Why can't I forget the words you yelled at me that horrible night? Why can't I get past the fact that you're not coming back? Why do I have the song "Hummingbird Heartbeat" stuck in my head?
I guess I just have to find new methods.
As for now, I need a hug from someone that won't come near me.
Slipping but holding on with everything I've got.
-Rachel
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