Getting someone off your mind. . .

I've been tryIng to get someone off my mind and it is proving to be a more difficuLt task than previOusly thought.

It is Very much like telling someone not to think about elEphants. Well, what are theY thinking about now? Elephants.

Telling yourself to stop thinking about someOne only makes you think aboUt them more.

This is problem that I've encountered this week and many time before and I'm here to say that the only cure there is for it is distraction. Find something you enjoy doing and do it. Hopefully, it'll distract you enough that you'll be able to get the person off your mid.

If distraction doesn't work, the only other advice I can give is to either A. Keep moving forward hoping things will get better with time and that you'll slowly be able to forget them. Or B. Go back to that person and you'll no longer need to complete the task of getting them off your mind.

As I sit in the waiting room. . . Things are looking up.

I'm sitting in the waiting room at a counseling office. Waiting for my first appointment.

I am extremely nervous.

This is the first time I will sit down and talk to a complete stranger about the things in my mind, the things I've been through, and the things I want to do with my life.

Throughout today, I've been reflecting on a few things and I have come to realize that things are looking up. Things are going to start getting better. I have a job that I love. Coworkers and managers that are awesome. I have people I can talk to. People that care and will listen. I sat down with Chris Jones and had an incredible conversation with him today. He was able to give me a new perspective and some hope. I'm about to start my counseling. I have amazing friends that are always there for me. ("Good friends are the people that love you even when you're not very lovable.") I have church leaders that are there for me and are supportive through everything that's happening. I am so lucky to have the people in my life that I do.

I wrote a list today of things I will do:
- I will beat this.
- I will win.
- I will choose happiness.
- I will be free.

The list goes on but those are my top 4. I'll eventually put the whole thing on here. But those are the top 4 for now.

Thank you, my friends, for reading and for always being so incredible.

Trials, drama, and tears. . . Short version: I'm so sorry.

This week has been one of many obstacles. There has been so much happening all at once and it led to one of the worst breakdowns I've had in a long time.

For those who don't know me very well, I deal with anxiety and depression (much like a lot of people my age these days). It has been something in my life for a very long time and I'm coping with it and just learning how to make it through each day at a time.

When there is a lot of drama in my life, my anxiety goes into overdrive, as it were, and I go into freakout mode and try to fix everything. It's just how I am. I don't like seeing my friends get hurt or upset. So I try to fix things.

This week, there was a lot of drama about prom (happening next week). The specifics aren't important but I tried to fix it because a lot of my friends were upset and frustrated by the situation. So, as I do, I went about trying to fix it as best I could for all involved (yes, everyone). The problem is that I ended up hurting a few people's feelings in the process without meaning to. It's actually what I was trying NOT to do.

So that's what this is about. This is a post to apologize.

Megan, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. You are an incredible friend and I don't know what I'd do without you. You've always been there for me and you're one of the main reasons I was trying so hard to get this prom thing figured out. I just want you to have fun that night and for you to be happy. I didn't go about it the right way and I'm sorry.

Kaytie, I'm sorry for bringing unneeded drama into your life. I know you hate it. And I know I drive you crazy sometimes. . . Okay, a lot of the time. But I'm so grateful to have you in my life and I don't say it nearly enough. Thank you so much.

Marshall, I know I make mistakes. I'm just glad you're there for me through all of them. I'm sorry that this week ha been difficult on you as well and that it was mainly because of me.

Courtney, Scott, and Lucas, life has been hard and I'm sorry for not making it any easier. But thank you for putting up with me, letting me cry on your shoulder (Scott), not ripping my face off (Courtney), and always being supportive through everything (Lucas).

Thank you guys for always being there for me through every bad decision and every mistake I make. I love you guys. You're my heroes and I hope that you can forgive me but I'll understand if you don't.

I love you guys.

- Rachel

Actions and they're ability to cancel out the words that just exited your mouth. . .

People have said for years that "actions speak louder than words". This phrase has been on my mind a lot today and it is completely true.
If you pay any attention to anything in the news, you'll see that what people say and what people do are 2 completely different things. And that people pay attention to what people do more than what they say.
If the president SAYS that he is done with war (no, I'm not trying to start any sort of Obama-related argument here) and SAYS that he is bring troops home and then he deploys everyone and everything we've got, what are people going to pay attention to? They're going to pay attention to that fact that he just deployed everyone and everything we've got. They're going to pay attention to what he DOES.
The same goes with regular people.
High school kids, for example. I knew a guy that I thought to be an incredibly nice person. Everyone said nice things about him. But, one day, I saw him in the halls and he was making fun of another guy and pushing him around because that guy was openly gay. You can understand why, instantly, I lost all respect for him.
You can talk the talk but you have to walk the walk in order to get real respect. Say what you mean and then do it. You can speak at a drug free assembly but if you go home and smoke a bunch of weed, it cancels out everything you just said.

Tip your drivers. . .

I work for a pizza delivery place. The majority of the money I earn comes from tips.
Now, there are people that I deliver to that give amazing tips and are very nice and they are the reason I love my job. And then there are the people that honestly make me hate my job. Like people that tip $0.64 and live out in Egypt, Lehi. I drove 10+ miles to bring you this pizza. And you are absolutely rude and awful and don't tip me practically anything. You are a non-contributing zero and I hope you inhale that pizza so fast that you choke and have to drink so much water that you then feel the need to pee your pants and then, by the time you get back from either the bathroom or from changing her pants, your pizza will then be cold.
So, the moral of this story is to please tip your drivers. A couple dollars will absolutely make our day and will also help us save up for college, pay for our cell phones and car insurance, and will also help us buy food every once in a while. And, I promise that, if you can afford pizza, you can afford to tip us a couple dollars. Thank you. Have a nice day. This rant brought to you by an annoyed pizza driver that had a bad day at work.

P.S.

I'm going to just state outright that I stole the idea to start a blog from my amazing friend Megan.

You are an inspiration to me more than you'll ever know. Thanks for putting up with me and always being there for me.
Check out and follow her blog @
pretending-to-grow-up.blogspot.com

Thanks!

A New Hair Style, A New Perspective. . .

Over the course of yesterday and today, I dyed and cut my hair. Very drastic change. When I told my parents what I intended to do with my hair, they both gave me the weirdest looks I've ever seen.
Now, a lot of people (including me) were very nervous about how it was going to turn out and, as with all new hair styles, it did not turn out the way I had pictured in my head and I've been told good things and bad things about it.
But, guess what I learned from all this? It's just hair! I've always been completely OCD about my hair and this experience has taught me that it doesn't matter. It will always grow back. Are you going to lose friends over your hair color/style? No. No you are not. Is your family going to disown you because of it? More likely than the friends leaving you but still not probable. So stop freaking out! Do something weird and random with it! Put blue and purple streaks in it. Cut it off. Grown it out. Give yourself bangs or an A-line. Whatever you do, it'll be fun. And, as long as you like it, who cares what other people think? I dyed my hair black (dark brown) and left one streak on the side of my head blonde. So what? I absolutely love it and that's all that matters, right?
Be comfortable, happy, and have fun just being you. It doesn't matter what other people think. (: